I took WAY too many pictures today. Maybe.

Six years together. We're stuck with each other now, baby. LOL.
I heard a segment on John Tesh's radio show this month about stages of marriage. It talked about the first stage being the honeymoon phase where you're in love with the fantasy, the person you think you married. You focus on your similarities, and things you have in common. The second stage Theo guessed was called, "Who the hell did I marry?!" LOL. Love his humor. He was right. The 2nd stage is where you begin to see the person married for who they really are. You focus on your differences. You spend a great deal of your time trying to change the person you married into the person you want them to be. Most marriages end or get stuck in this phase. The third stage is acceptance. Marriages that make it to this phase survive.
Theo and I have decided we think we made it to stage 3. For me, deployment did this. I'm not trying to change Theo anymore. When he was gone for a year I *missed* all those things he did to once drive me crazy. I even missed griping at him. I realized that he forgets to take the trash out, and you know what... when it's up to me, so do I! I learned more about how he communicates. The things he loves. I fell more in love with the person he was evolving into, striving to be. I also realized all the things I was trying to change about him were stupid. I was trying, as I think most wives are in stage 2, to make him into this unrealistic alpha-male. You know what trying to change your husband does? Pisses him off. Makes him unhappy. And it's rude. Out with the petty, and in with the real is what I say. The person I am likes a man who says what he wants. I love it when Theo puts me in my place (this is pretty rare). I love when he says what he wants. He's polite. Gentle. He's found his voice with me, and I have found me voice with him. We found the way to say anything without offending the other person; on the off chance that we do offend, it's okay. We know how to deal with that, too.

For Theo, he thinks "maturity" is what put him stage 3. He says getting "old" did it for him. I think Theo finds beauty in relationships that last. He respects those old couples who stuck it out. He marvels at them when we're in public. He said it's okay that I say that. It also happened when he was deployed.


That is not to say that each partners' needs should not be met. This is where communication comes in. Stage 3 must also, I imagine, involve each person having realized how to meet the other person's needs. Theo and I are to the point where we express what each other wants. In the most simplest of terms. I go right to him, and ask. So does he. Isn't that grand? I will never understand spouses who don't communicate to one another. Once you realize how simplistic communicating your needs can be, how uncomplicated, it's like second nature. If Theo hesitates to say what he wants, I can tell, I can sense it. It's like a flowing river, natural, between the two us, we can recognize dissonance, and work on it (oooooo... fancy communication theory language). What if we make it 50 years like my grandparents? We talk about this all time. We think we will. On some porch in a rural area you'll find us gardening, and perhaps raising cattle (bulls?). We're in this for the long haul.

So, is there such a thing as too many pictures? Nope. I don't think so. If this last few weeks has taught me anything it's that life is short. These kids of ours are growing everyday. And each day cannot be taken for granted. We are experts at this notion at the Rex house. For sure.