Thursday, December 31, 2009

That's a whole lotta Jamie.

So, I made it to Weight Watcher's this morning. Up at 5am, to make myself presentable, get directions, and have one cup of coffee. I spent the morning visualizing years past when I went every Friday to attend Weight Watcher's in Peoria. The same outfit until it no longer fit, the same shoes, the same one glass of water, one cup of coffee, and one bowl of oatmeal. Sometimes we saved all our points for a nice dinner out. This morning, the same. One cup of coffee and the same "jogging" (laughing) suit, and snow boots I intend to wear every day for the next few months anyway.
To my surprise I found a small meeting, and I was the only one registering for the first time. Surely, one of the only people in the world starting their new lifestyle the day before the new year begins. I quickly filled out my paperwork, and made it back to the scale with my energetic and warm meeting leader. Didn't even take the snow boots off. Weighing in a ginormous 302.something pounds. I mean, who reads after the decipal point when you're looking at that kind of number!
Oh, man. That's a whole lotta Jamie.
Here's where my wheels start spinning. Oh, yeah. The goal setting, the stubborn fight. Remember that bitch I used to be? The one who effortlessly counted points, and blazed above her own will power with superhuman ease? Yeah. I thought I had forgotten her, and would never meet her again. (She stopped into the delivery room when I was birthing Hunter with no pain meds, while my husband was in Iraq, but she was gone as soon as she came). I never stopped loving her. I knew she was in there somewhere, but my kids may have been too loud, and I just couldn't hear her. Well, hello darling. Welcome to your life's biggest challenge.
I sat in the front row, and hung my coat on the back of the chair. I felt as plump and rotund as I ever, ever have, but beaming with life and confidence. I actually though, sitting there, I have got to be the most confident 302 lbs to ever sit in a meeting like this.
Hindsight added, I was as confident as I would have been a 302 lbs woman at a baking contest, or an eating contest at that.
I'm now half way through my first day. Just had an apple and bagel with 2 tbls cream cheese and a cup of alphalpha sprouts on top. Feeling unstoppable.
Each hug and kiss from my munchkin today has felt a little like magic to help me through, too.
If your tuned in, I have a feeling you're in for an enjoyable success story.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Doing it for these two.

See these two little angels? Two adorable, sticky little buggers who run our lives? They deserve a hell of a lot better from me. I'm pretty peaved with myself.

I know I've sung this song before, but I beg you to hear with fresh ears because it is with a fresh voice I'm singing. Not that it matters if anyone is listening, because I'm going on this journey alone, no matter what. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't need the support. I'm starting Weight Watcher's in the morning. I have to.

Not too long ago, wearing a size 22, and weighing somewhere abouts 260 lbs, I was ACTUALLY feeling pretty okay, relatively fit, walking often. Set back sometimes by fibromyalgia, but I maintained my garden, cared for my kids, and had a good love-life with my husband.

Somewhere along the line (probably pushing a 4 and 2 year old in a double stroller up hill twice week), I injured myself badly enough to begin physical therapy for my hip, and found my occasional lower back pain worsening into some serious pain. Know the pain scale? We're talking 9-10. Labor-like pains, all day sometimes.

There was a defining week back in October: my physical therapist told me not to bend AT ALL. Haha! I have two kids, 5 cats, a dog, a husband (who, while mostly perfect, does like to leave his clothes on the floor every day), and a massive garden. Plus, I am a serious clutz. I must drop 50% of the things I pick up. No bending? How?

But, I tried it. I called little Ben and Hunter to pick things up for me. I succumbed to looking lazy and stupid, asking people around me to pick things up. The therapy helped, and I read a great book on fixing your back pain, but the insurance only covered several visits. And my pain worsened.

I went in for my annual appointment and asked for more physical therapy, which I have been given. Several months were approved, actually. I have been given muscle relaxers and more Vicodin, which I take daily because it is necessary. The therapy is helping, but I am in a lot of pain still.

So, since October I have not been able to to wash dishes, carry laundry, garden for more than 5 careful minutes at a time, clean low down or hard to reach places, and more. My husband has picked up most of those tasks. Last week we added "no vacuuming," per the physical therapist.

Most days walking through even a simple place like the grocery store is impossible. I am steps away from being one of those people in the motorized cart at Walmart.

In fact, sitting here hurts.

Turns out, when you take all those tasks away you have a pretty sedentary existence! I've put on 30 or more pounds (we'll see in the morning), and my size 24's are getting too snug to fit. My weight gain went straight to my breasts and stomach, which makes my back hurt soooo much more. This is a dangerous and alarming cycle I'm in.

I don't feel "right." My stomach is expanding like a pregnant woman's and it's uncomfortable. I am terribly unfit... but how do you stay fit when you can't DO anything? I'm starting to worry about my health in ways I have never though of before--- my blood pressure was high for the very first time in my life. I am beyond frustrated, and the only thing I feel I can do not is cut my calories. Make it right.

I am taking my guilty soothing pleasure of food away, and saving my own life. Period. Now. Well, in about 8 hours.

So kiss this fat lady goodbye, again. And wish me luck!!!

I have not attended a meeting for Weight Watcher's since the summer of 2002 (as I maintained 100 lbs weight loss), so I'm nervous and excited!!!!!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

The boy's had their annual Christmas show this last week, and I surely took a ton of pictures. Here are a selection of my favorites.
Ben is in the brown robe with brown shoes, and Hunter is in the purple wiseman costume.

Hunter up close.

Ben is smiling in the middle here.

Hunter had trouble staying focused.

Last lyrics to one song were to lay down, and they jumped.

A little bit of imprtant nose-picking by Hunter.

Later that evening the kids sang a few songs in church also.
Hunter points out something in the church balcony for his buddy to see.
Hunter stretches far enough up so he shows off his tummy.

Hunter shows his girlfriend Isabell the manger scene located behind them, as the other kids sing.

Making a Bible with their hands.

I made my grandma's recipe, "rich people's small cookies." Potato flour and red raspberry preserves are involved, Yum!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Friday morning.

It seems in the Rex household we have a bit of what-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong curse. Whether its the DVD player, the dryer, dishwasher, roof, fence, or sofa; if it's breakable, it will break at the most inopportune time. For sure.
Friday morning, we found the ice scraper Theo had broken Thursday morning was, apparently, the only one we had. The second was missing. Still is. This would easily fixable. Theo could go out and start his car, blast the heat, and eventually, the layer of ice on the windshield would melt, and he could see well enough to drive to work. Unless, the heater in that car didn't work. Turns out, Thursday morning Theo drove to work in sub zero temps with no heater; by the time he reached 35 minute-away destination he could no longer feel his toes. No heater. No ice scraper. That car isn't going anywhere.
This Friday he would need to take my car, meaning he would need to find a ride to school for Ben. Friday's are for 5-year-old's only. Enter our good friend Casey, who hauled Ben to and from school that day. Leaving Hunter and I stranded in the house for the morning. Like my home-body minds. :)
Here is Ben, all dressed up for school, waiting for his ride, while Hunter colors in his house attire.

This weekend we have fixed Theo's heater, and acquired an ice scraper, but Theo's tire was flat by Saturday evening, just an hour before we were supposed to be at a Holiday party. haha...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

We got snow!

Lots of snow... enjoy all the pictures I have taken in the last 24 hours.

Happy late fall... winter isn't even here yet.