Monday, September 17, 2007

We're here!

Just a sample of our No Cal adventures... lots more to come. Having so much fun!

Friday, September 7, 2007

Band of Little Drummer Boys

Just some pictures of the boys interacting... they fuss and fight a lot, but there are glimmers of happiness occasionally.

Kids Read

Hunter is so very into his books right now. He loves them. He now says "ball," too. I think he's up to about 6 words. Ball, Cat, Dada, Mama, Outside, Hi, and Dog... I think. (Editor's Note: I paid attention to Hunter extra close today, and he also says "hat.") And he shakes his head "no" and waves "bye bye." I dreamt last night that he just started talking to me in full sentences. So funny.

Kid Chow

Hunter is just so darn cute when he eats now. I can't help but get pictures, even if his face is covered in skeeter bites.

Ben's still pretty cute, too.

Fake it till you make it.

I'll never forget being a freshmen at Bradley, alumni work weekend, being so excited for Nationals, but also very anxious to be my best. I had this POI (programmed oral interpretation), about housewives. Travis Russ was coaching me in the stairwell by the speech suite. He wanted to make me more intense, more animated and realistic, so he was crawling around me and acting out the part of my children in Walmart, as the scene in my POI called for. That coaching sesson was a turning point for me. See, in high school I remember Travis coaching people at camp, and I wanted so bad to be coached by him... and here I was, and I felt like I was doing the best I could. At camp he used to say, "Fake it till you make it!" I faked it all season, seeing those kids knock over whole stacks of toilet tissue in the Walmart store aisle, but in that stair case I made it really happen, with his help of course. His coaching led me to be able to visualize, leading to me many successful and satisfying performances filled with just the right amount of visualization.

If only I had time travel, my kids are seriously crazy in Walmart, no visualization required, people!

Right now, I'm in a oddly similar situation. I have always been a confident person. I like myself, and I'm generally pleased with my life circumstances. Lately, I have not felt good about myself, about my weight gain, and emotional eating habits, but on a daily basis I sort of fake it. I ignore that I should be making better choices. I work out, and justify eating more than I should because I excercised. I ignore the fact that the size 16 jeans I wore last winter barely zip. I tell myself there's plenty of time to get back into them. I make excuses. And eat instead of changing my habits. I do weight watcher's for a day, and by day two, I'm back to lying to myself and ignoring my food journal. I don't admit to myself that I've failed at the diet one more time.

I'm hoping this doctor's appointment was the turning point for me. Right now, it feels as though it may have been. I'm on day 3 of counting calories, and I'm not faking it. I am really counting every single calorie. I am really writing down every single morsel that enters my mouth, even lettuce and cucumbers. Perhaps I'll make it this time?

I took these just before the doctors appointment, the first smile is very forced, and the second is real, jagged teeth and all. Just time to document who I am right now. This woman deserves to get healthy, to learn about food again, to be around for her kid's whole lives, to eat in moderation, and love herself.

Wowza Kordes Perfecta

I love this photo so much, I may frame it. This is my favorite rose, Kordes Perfecta. It's giant when you let it bloom one at a time. I hate not being able to bring it inside so I can smell it all day long. I am not supposed to prune my roses after mid August so they can properly harden off for winter. If you let a rose die naturally after it blooms, it forms a rose hip, and usually stops making new growth which is suceptible to winter frost. Plus, birds can munch on the rose hips when they're starved for food in winter. Isn't she a beauty?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

1500 Calories? Only?

A little update on the diet progress. I have joined the YMCA, and have been working out. I'm not consistent. One week I'll go 3 times, and then next I'll only go once. But, I have been walking my one hour walk, too. I am feeling stronger. I have not been able to cut my calories. I have been baking on occasion, and eating cautiously, but just not limiting my caloric intake as much as I should.

So we have rad doctor. I really like him, and he treats us with care. He has been with me through some serious weight loss struggles. When I found out I was pregnant with Ben I cried in his patient room because I was so excited about my weight loss at the time, and I knew I would get "fat" as a pregnant woman (hormones). When it came time to weigh me for my prenatal appointments I refused to be weighed, and he practically had to yell at me to be weighed, reminding me it was for the baby. I am way too stubborn. Then, years later he was there to listen patiently when I was celebrating weight loss and simultaneously finding out I was pregnant with Hunter. Didn't cry that time. I Laughed. I mean what are the odds that the week I put on my skinniest jeans I'd find out I was pregnant again; I was on birth control for crying out loud?

Yesterday I had my yearly physical. I thought I might be pregnant; I'm off birth control and have been working out a lot and not losing any weight. I also had some other symptoms of pregnancy, like strange feelings in my stomach, tender boobas, etc. Yeah, well, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat. Fatter than I should be. Too fat.

Well, my good doctor approached the subject peacefully, knowing my sensitivity, and there I sat crying again. I've been avoiding dieting b/c I want to get pregnant, and I don't want to lose weight and gain it all back again. How much can one woman take, going up and down 50 plus pounds over and over again. I want another baby soon. I want so bad to lose weight. I love getting exercise. I just eat too much. I can't seem to work all of these desires out harmoniously.

I have started weight watcher's more times than I can could count, hundreds. My doctor advocates calorie counting. I hate numbers, and I fight him on this every time he mentions it. He asked me try it for a month. He said if I eat 1500 calories a day I should lose 2 lbs a week. More if I cut back to 1300 calories. I told him if I eat less than 1500 calories a day I pull my hair out, and I'm bitch to live with. LOL. He handed me a food diary and told me come back in a month. He said try to lose weight until you get pregnant. When you're pregnant stop counting calories, eat sensibly, enjoy your pregnancy, and we'll start over again afterward. I fought him. I told him I would not try. I said, "I give up!" I was so snotty I even said, "I won't eat vegetables!" And at one point I wailed, "You know I'm going on vacation, don't you? You expect me to count calories on my vacation?" He peered back in the door, and said, "Yes!" with a huge smile on his face. Sniff, sniff.

Somehow the good doctor persuaded me. I went straight to Walmart and bought produce which I intend to eat this week. Yes, I'm going to eat vegetables. This morning I woke up and took out the measuring cups. I'm half way through a 1500 calorie day. The amount of calories in the food I eat have surprised me, proving this way of dieting will be very eye-opening. Yes, my stomach was gurgling with a strange feeling, perhaps hunger, before lunch time. Yes it sucked to realized the bagels in my fridge are 310 calories, sucking up a big part of my day. And yes, I've thought more than a few times how hard it will be to diet while I'm on vacation. But, I'm trying again. That's all I can do, get back on the bandwagon.

I needed something different than weight watcher's. While the diet is tried and truly the best diet available by far... I can't stick to it right now. Right now, the "newness" of this calorie counting feels like it will keep me interested. We'll see.

September in the garden:

By the time I we return from vacation the garden will likely be done with it's show... and ready for a killing frost (mid-october). I have been trying to get the most out of the garden while I still can, so I'm about to bore you with more pictures of the pretty things outside right now.

I have moved all of the coleus to individual pots so it can be brought in the house. I love how this looks on the front porch.

Ever seen bees sleeping? They sleep under flowers all over my garden until the sun comes up.

This year I really let the trumpet vine do it's thing... there are several clematis in here, too, but not in bloom:

This gourd vine has taken over the tee-pee, and I love it. I filled in all around the teepee with hostas, coral bells, lamium, and astilbe:

I removed nearly all of the perennials from the rose beds, and the roses have responded incredibly. This is like a whole wall of roses...

Roses are blooming again:

Toulouse Lautrec

Kordes Perfecta
Zinnias galore:

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Kiddos Around the House

Not a very eventful weekend. Good quality time at home with one another. Hunter was still under the weather from the Bear's game, and by Saturday morning Ben and Daddy joined the sick list. They all just felt weak, a feverish, and had head colds, nothing too serious. Hunter bounced back by Monday morning, and Ben's doing very well today. Theo says he still feels a little sick, but better. I got the sickness last night. I have post-nasal drip, which is my least favorite thing in the world to have. I'm fighting this cold with everything I have; I will win.

We spent the weekend prepping for our upcoming trip. We grabbed a few needed things, emptied the video camera, and I prepped the garden for a potential early frost while we're away. I have all of our vacation clothes set out, ready to be packed. I did laundry, and we rented movies (Kickin' It Old School made me laugh a lot more than I expected, I was not impressed with Employee of the Month, and World Trade Center was just something I was not ready to watch). I caught the last half of the Roast of Flava Flav, and I nearly pissed myself--Snoop was hilarious, and that crazy Lisa Lampinelli was awesome, too.

Here are some pictures from our weekend. I grabbed some walmart sunglasses for Hunter.

Ben did a whole lot of this all weekend:

Hunter is really into summersaults:

Hunter loves to pretend he's on the phone:

A lot of cuddling took place this weekend:

This is the boys favorite puppet. They love it when we make it talk.
Hunter has figured out how to build towers with his blocks. I snapped this picture yesterday morning.
Hope all is well with everyone.