Training for Two

This kid, our darling innocent little Hunter Joe, has officially begun intense training for the Terrible Two's. Can't tell from these serene images where he's reading with his less than-good-looking momma, (I'm sick, people, gimme a break)? Just wait.

If Ben was any indication, Hunter's journey from 1 to 3 will be grueling for mom, and shocking for Dad. Ben was a truly TERRIBLE terrible two-er. Lucky dad was in Iraq on "vacation" (just kidding here, people, come on), while I was home with Ben the devil, and my precious needy newborn, watching my hair gray more by the second. What a lovely time it was! Well, here we, or I, go again...

This weekend, Hunter gave us a sneak preview, showed off some of his newly acquired skills. Friday afternoon, as I prepared dinner, Hunter decided there was too much dirt in my pot of elephant ears. Throwing an innocent handful of dirt on the floor once a day, no big deal. Throwing boatloads of dirt on the floor in 3 different rooms of the house--different story; Not cool. Before you start asking "Why doesn't this psycho plant lady just ditch her plants?", I did last year, and the year before that. In fact, I've had bare table tops in the dining room, living room and kitchen since Ben was 3 months old. I decided the kids were controlling way too much of our lives, and our house, and thus reintroduced some harmless accessories, namely plants & lamps, heaven forbid we have lights. My crystal is still stored in the basement, wine racks are bare and shelved down there, too, candles are counter top only, frames only on the walls or high surfaces, but I refuse to keep my plants at bay anymore. The kids will just have to learn not to jig around with the plants. So there.

So, I found this, and began cursing under my breath. I said,"I think Hunter is ready for time-outs."

Sure enough he picked his diaper butt up and right to Ben's usual time out spot. This was kind of funny, and definitely kind of cute, so I had to get the camera.

See, I kind of like the idea of Hunter going to time out when he dumps dirt all over the floor. He dumps the dirt so I HAVE to vacuum, and he LOVES the vacuuming process. If I let him get the reward of vacuuming each time he dumps dirt, he'll never learn not to dump dirt everywhere. By asking him to go to "time out," he's deprived of participating in vacuuming, and gets no enjoyment from dumping dirt. Even though he's heartbreakingly cute all disappointed in his time out spot, I'm certain this cycle will yield results. Being a momma is hard sometimes, but vacuuming 8 times a day is wee more hard.

As soon as he realized I was taking his picture he turned away muttering a defiant "Uh-uh!" I did laugh out loud at his reaction, but also snapped another picture.

Hunter is his father's son; this weekend he proved this fact by baring his baby ass and wiener a zillion times. He's a toddler nudist. And no, he's not ready for potty training, I have tried. He doesn't take his diaper off b/c he has to pee, oh no. He takes if off so he can some and shake his butt in my face and run laughing. He's the devil, I swear. So our solution to keeping his clothes on has been overalls. He only has 3 pairs that fit, so once those are in the laundry, we resort to onesies under his pants. Well, this weekend he figured out how to remove his diaper from underneath the onesie. Tricky, b/c I can't always tell when he's wearing the diaper or not, until I notice the onsies lose, his wiener's hanging out, or his butt isn't padded. Then, you can find me roaming around muttering, "Where the F did he leave the diaper this time?" Funny, I know, but a dozen times a day this joke loses it's zing. Trust me. I spared the wiener shots, and just showed you want he looks like in his shirt and onesie combo. Cute, cute, cute.

Happy Monday to you all!