What can we change around here?

Oh, yeah. It's time to resolve to make some changes folks!

Unfortunately, a lot of the things I intend to do will be directly related to how well my back continues to heal. If my back heals, I have some very physical goals in mind, including many home related projects, specfically:
-ripping out several layers of my dining room floor and hopefully revealing the original floorboards which I will sand and stain/seal accordingly
-repainting the sideboard in my dining room
-painting the boy's bedroom, our living room, dining room
-painting and organizing our bathroom closets (paint is already waiting!)
-learning to rototill my own garden
-begin walking regularly once I'm healed

As a family, we need to put our money into our home, specifically:
-focusing our tax return on our home, including a new roof, new shower/bath, installing/having isntalled the already purchased new bathroom walls, sink, faucet, and flooring, and getting new kitchen counters and kitchen sink
-new garage door and garage door opener (they don't even open right now!)
-fix side door in the garage (also doesn't open)
-new screen doors on front and back doors (both very broken)
-remove/repaint the old black metal railings on the front porch, tend to rotting wood in the area, and crumbling cement on the front steps
-replace the furnace filter

We also need to focus on our vehicles, including:
-new tires on the Equinox
-that part that Theo needs for his vehicle (don't remember what it's called)

As a family:
-complete classes to become members of the church we've been attending
-eat even more balanced diets and more homegrown goodies
-attend church atleast 50% of the time

For me personally:
-shut up and lose 108 lbs by my 32nd birthday
-omit swearing (one from previous years also)
-spend less, use more (dividing plants, growing more from seeds, using recycled craft supplies)
-clean out my closet
-clean out the basement
-print pictures every 2 weeks, not once a year! **this is a big one!!!!**
-conquer the Japanese Beetles on my roses, which will require daily effort

Gosh all of the resolutions sounds so hard and work-related. Here are some fun personal goals:
-learn to knit with needles
-learn to knit socks
-revisit my old CD collection
-mail birthday cards on time
-learn to can food this summer (anyone who can help me in person, please come and help me!)
-get caught up on scrapbooking
-sell more of my craft projects, dare I say, create an etsy shop????
-learn to send a text message and acquire an up to date phone with a camera and all!

If any of you happen to know where I might find a million dollars, let me know!
Happy 2010!

The journey.

My first day on Weight Watcher's (WW) went very well. I was a little surprised by mid-afternoon to find how badly I wanted to go for the chocolate stash. I have a drawer in the dining room where all of household candy is stored. I typically dip into this drawer several times a day. I went most of my first day without evening thinking about it, but come afternoon I had auto-pilot moment where I passed the drawer, and almost opened it, but then thought, "Hey, I can't have that right now! Silly!" I'm adament about keeping the same temptations around me. I make myself learn moderation instead of deprivation.
The box of chocolates I got for Christmas? Still in the freezer.
The leftover baked goods from Christmas? Frozen as well. The kids have cookies here and there, and so can I.
My candy dish in the scrapbook room. Stocked, and unmoved. That's how I roll.

I wasn't hungry, or bothered to write things down. I was refreshed to see the looks of how much peanut butter I get in the tablespoon! I was relieved to see how satisfied I was with the amount of food I got to eat.

Today I feel just as powerfully about the process as I did yesterday. I'm keeping that focused feeling.

A little Christmas recap.

We had a very blessed Christmas this year, making the trip to both Chicago and Peoria, as well as having a nice Christmas morning at home, too. I'll briefly recap each event below, but they are out of the order as Blogger is not allowing me to move my pictures around as usual.

Santa brought the kids some cool stuff this year!
Hunter's primary request from the Big Guy was this RC car from Toy Story. I didn't want to disappoint Hunter, or have him question Santa's existence, but when we learned the price of this car, we decided this year we needed to budget tightly. I was so relieved to see just 14 days after we bought this $90 car-it went on sale. I marched right in to Toys R Us and was handed $33 back in cash! Thank goodness. Still, a stiff price, but better.

Ben spent Thanksgiving browsing the Black Friday ads, discovering he would like to have the Imaginext T rex mountain. After searching far and wide, I had all but given up finding one in stick. Enter Grandma Anita to the rescue. She found one Walmart in southern California that had some, purchases, and mailed it to us. Ben was beyond excited, and like this present the best of all!

Two excited and tired boys.

Ben also got a Leapster, one of my Black Friday finds. This handheld computer game teaches just about everything. He loves this toy and has spent a lot of time (especially car rides) learning already.

Hunter's other big item was this Jessie doll from Toy Story 2. He was beside himself!!

Chocolate from Santa.

Our 5 cats all helped eat Santa's cookies and milk. Hilarious!

Another one of my Black Friday finds was a big hit on Christmas morning. This is the Buzz Lightyear "Falling with Style" hot wheels set. It comes with a mini-Buzz that snaps onto a hot wheel (just like in the movie), and goes down this slope into a loop-the-loop and launches into a faux "fly."

Schmoppy cat is going after the car... lol.

Before we go to bed on Christmas Eve we follow a Scandinavian tradition of sprinkling some reindeer food out the front and back doors. There is a little poem I read about staying in bed so Santa can come. The boys love it, and follow instructions really well. Not a peep from them!!

Here are a few pictures from the trip to the Chicago area. The boys got some awesome monster truck RC vehicles. They played with them Christmas morning outside before we headed home.

Me, in my self-made, flamboyant Christmas Cheer hat.

The boys got camo bath robes, just like daddy's, from their Auntie and Uncle. They love them!!

We had a nice ice storm for Christmas, too.

The boys helped me make a million cookies. To help with my intense back pain, Theo made all the dough, and many of the other desserts, and I limited myself to rolling, cutting, baking, and decorating the cookies.

We also took the time to make a Gingerbread house. The boys LOVEd this idea. Not the easiest thing to do, as the roof slid around and the candy fell off. They also fought over who got to do what, but in the end, they really enjoyed themselves and were proud of their house.

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, too!

That's a whole lotta Jamie.

So, I made it to Weight Watcher's this morning. Up at 5am, to make myself presentable, get directions, and have one cup of coffee. I spent the morning visualizing years past when I went every Friday to attend Weight Watcher's in Peoria. The same outfit until it no longer fit, the same shoes, the same one glass of water, one cup of coffee, and one bowl of oatmeal. Sometimes we saved all our points for a nice dinner out. This morning, the same. One cup of coffee and the same "jogging" (laughing) suit, and snow boots I intend to wear every day for the next few months anyway.
To my surprise I found a small meeting, and I was the only one registering for the first time. Surely, one of the only people in the world starting their new lifestyle the day before the new year begins. I quickly filled out my paperwork, and made it back to the scale with my energetic and warm meeting leader. Didn't even take the snow boots off. Weighing in a ginormous 302.something pounds. I mean, who reads after the decipal point when you're looking at that kind of number!
Oh, man. That's a whole lotta Jamie.
Here's where my wheels start spinning. Oh, yeah. The goal setting, the stubborn fight. Remember that bitch I used to be? The one who effortlessly counted points, and blazed above her own will power with superhuman ease? Yeah. I thought I had forgotten her, and would never meet her again. (She stopped into the delivery room when I was birthing Hunter with no pain meds, while my husband was in Iraq, but she was gone as soon as she came). I never stopped loving her. I knew she was in there somewhere, but my kids may have been too loud, and I just couldn't hear her. Well, hello darling. Welcome to your life's biggest challenge.
I sat in the front row, and hung my coat on the back of the chair. I felt as plump and rotund as I ever, ever have, but beaming with life and confidence. I actually though, sitting there, I have got to be the most confident 302 lbs to ever sit in a meeting like this.
Hindsight added, I was as confident as I would have been a 302 lbs woman at a baking contest, or an eating contest at that.
I'm now half way through my first day. Just had an apple and bagel with 2 tbls cream cheese and a cup of alphalpha sprouts on top. Feeling unstoppable.
Each hug and kiss from my munchkin today has felt a little like magic to help me through, too.
If your tuned in, I have a feeling you're in for an enjoyable success story.

Doing it for these two.

See these two little angels? Two adorable, sticky little buggers who run our lives? They deserve a hell of a lot better from me. I'm pretty peaved with myself.








I know I've sung this song before, but I beg you to hear with fresh ears because it is with a fresh voice I'm singing. Not that it matters if anyone is listening, because I'm going on this journey alone, no matter what. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't need the support. I'm starting Weight Watcher's in the morning. I have to.


Not too long ago, wearing a size 22, and weighing somewhere abouts 260 lbs, I was ACTUALLY feeling pretty okay, relatively fit, walking often. Set back sometimes by fibromyalgia, but I maintained my garden, cared for my kids, and had a good love-life with my husband.


Somewhere along the line (probably pushing a 4 and 2 year old in a double stroller up hill twice week), I injured myself badly enough to begin physical therapy for my hip, and found my occasional lower back pain worsening into some serious pain. Know the pain scale? We're talking 9-10. Labor-like pains, all day sometimes.


There was a defining week back in October: my physical therapist told me not to bend AT ALL. Haha! I have two kids, 5 cats, a dog, a husband (who, while mostly perfect, does like to leave his clothes on the floor every day), and a massive garden. Plus, I am a serious clutz. I must drop 50% of the things I pick up. No bending? How?


But, I tried it. I called little Ben and Hunter to pick things up for me. I succumbed to looking lazy and stupid, asking people around me to pick things up. The therapy helped, and I read a great book on fixing your back pain, but the insurance only covered several visits. And my pain worsened.


I went in for my annual appointment and asked for more physical therapy, which I have been given. Several months were approved, actually. I have been given muscle relaxers and more Vicodin, which I take daily because it is necessary. The therapy is helping, but I am in a lot of pain still.


So, since October I have not been able to to wash dishes, carry laundry, garden for more than 5 careful minutes at a time, clean low down or hard to reach places, and more. My husband has picked up most of those tasks. Last week we added "no vacuuming," per the physical therapist.


Most days walking through even a simple place like the grocery store is impossible. I am steps away from being one of those people in the motorized cart at Walmart.


In fact, sitting here hurts.


Turns out, when you take all those tasks away you have a pretty sedentary existence! I've put on 30 or more pounds (we'll see in the morning), and my size 24's are getting too snug to fit. My weight gain went straight to my breasts and stomach, which makes my back hurt soooo much more. This is a dangerous and alarming cycle I'm in.


I don't feel "right." My stomach is expanding like a pregnant woman's and it's uncomfortable. I am terribly unfit... but how do you stay fit when you can't DO anything? I'm starting to worry about my health in ways I have never though of before--- my blood pressure was high for the very first time in my life. I am beyond frustrated, and the only thing I feel I can do not is cut my calories. Make it right.


I am taking my guilty soothing pleasure of food away, and saving my own life. Period. Now. Well, in about 8 hours.

So kiss this fat lady goodbye, again. And wish me luck!!!


I have not attended a meeting for Weight Watcher's since the summer of 2002 (as I maintained 100 lbs weight loss), so I'm nervous and excited!!!!!!!

The boy's had their annual Christmas show this last week, and I surely took a ton of pictures. Here are a selection of my favorites.
Ben is in the brown robe with brown shoes, and Hunter is in the purple wiseman costume.

Hunter up close.

Ben is smiling in the middle here.

Hunter had trouble staying focused.

Last lyrics to one song were to lay down, and they jumped.

A little bit of imprtant nose-picking by Hunter.

Later that evening the kids sang a few songs in church also.

Hunter points out something in the church balcony for his buddy to see.

Hunter stretches far enough up so he shows off his tummy.

Hunter shows his girlfriend Isabell the manger scene located behind them, as the other kids sing.

Making a Bible with their hands.

I made my grandma's recipe, "rich people's small cookies." Potato flour and red raspberry preserves are involved, Yum!